The Lab Assistant

I submit for your consideration an ad found on Monster.com for a lab assistant in a Labcorp laboratory. Go to http://www.monster.com/ and search for "labcorp lab assistant" and you can find the same ad.
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Lab Assistant

POSITION SUMMARY: Perform specified tasks in the assigned section accurately and on schedule. Know and follow all safety procedures and be able to respond appropriately to an emergency or drill. Assist technical staff, other employees, physicians, clients, and supervisor in a cooperative manner. Carry out the supervisor’s directives. Act in the best interest of patient care and LabCorp.

ESSENTIAL JOB DUTIES:

· Assumes responsibility and accountability for accurate work.

· Performs limited testing, as assigned, following completion of training check out.

· Answers telephones in a pleasant, courteous, and professional manner, and effectively relays messages to appropriate personnel.

· Maintains a safe and clean work environment at all times. Attends all safety training classes and conforms to company safety guidelines and requirements.

· Conforms to established and new procedures and policies instituted by the company.

· Remains flexible with regards to work schedule as staffing requirements dictate.

· Trains new staff in lab assistant duties for the department.

· Adheres to and carries out all assigned quality control policies and procedures.

· Completes clerical work such as recording QC documents, logging in specimens, using computerized database.

· Performs instrument maintenance as assigned.

· Assists with inventory and ordering. Receives supplies, unpacks, labels, stores in proper place.

· Recognizes problems. Seeks assistance of supervisor, tech or lead lab assistant for problem solving.

· Participates in special projects as assigned.

· Performs work in the most economical and efficient manner in terms of time and materials.

REQUIREMENTS: High school diploma or equivalent required, some college science helpful. Excellent communication skills necessary to deal effectively with co-workers, clients, and hospital staff as well as patients possessing varying degrees of comprehension. Ability to deal effectively with all levels of laboratory staff and to communicate clearly and concisely over the telephone. Able to perform basic math functions. Previous lab experience either in student or clinical environment preferred. A willingness to work in fast paced, high volume laboratory. Data entry skills may be necessary.

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You will notice that laundry list of "Essential" Job duties. It looks quite extensive and seems to cry out for some extraordinary person to step into this demanding job.

But look at the requirements. The Lab Assistant applicant needs to have graduated from High School, or have a GED, or equivalent. A few sentences that pretty much translate into , "Is able to speak and understandable English." "Basic" math functions-what is that? Previous experience is nice but not necessary. And, of course, a willingness to submit to life as a mindless production line drone.

So, who, you may well ask, is applying for these jobs with no future, and where, if you are lucky enough to be unionized, you start at about $13.00 per hour.

The answer is, a few highly competent individuals who are willing to work hard and do an excellent job. And a lot of people who just don't seem to get it. They make mistake after mistake and are a burden on everyone who works in the lab. And of course, they mess up patient results in very creative and sometimes unknown ways. The last one like that lingered on for almost 6 months before being let go. Six months!

Other, competent lab assistants soon see where their own best interests lie and move on to other, better, higher paying jobs in the area. A turnover rate like that costs the company money. It also creates a pressure cooker work environment that only makes the problem worse. And last, but it should be first, the clients (doctors) are not well served and the patients are at risk. The doctors ends up relying on questionable lab results to care for their patients.

The answer is anathema to corporate profits. If you want good workers, you have to pay for them and spend money training them.

I salute the few lab assistants who make the work of this lab rat a little easier.